I have noted here, from time to time, the fact that two people experiencing one event experience it in very different ways. I suspect MF, the arts editor of The Tech in the fall of 1970 did not realize he was crushing my dreams and driving me to work at the objectivist newspaper Ergo when he nonchalantly and dismissively turned down my review of the Firesign Theater's album Don't Crush That Dwarf, Hand Me The Pliers. It took me until April to work my way onto the staff of MIT's "real" student newspaper. Of course, it turns out if MF had accepted the review,  I might have ended up on the Arts staff instead of news (the section I worked in down the hall at Ergo) and wouldn't that have changed my life forever. He and I worked together for a year at The Tech (when I accidentally described the university president as having flung his arm over the leg of a chair, it was M who drew the pose on a copy of the paper). From time to time, I meet people who met me at The Tech. On more than one occasion, they have told me I was so kind and generous and I changed their life forever. I don't remember meeting them.  I call this the "differential experience" effect.

I am put in mind of this effect because recently I whiled away a pleasant afternoon with the person who shared with me the second-worst day of my life (the worst day was when my mother died). It was the only day of my life when I drank myself silly in an effort to numb myself. It was also the longest day of my life. I held a grudge about that day for a long time, and tortured myself for years with questions like "why," punctuated with  morbid curiosity about the details of the other person's behavior. But as time goes by, the details slip away, and what you actually remember is how much you enjoyed the person's company before the event. And you let it go. Because holding in that kind of poison is… well… poisonous. I bring this up here because I am certain this was not the worst day in the other person's life; it may not be in their top 10. In fact, I doubt they remember any of the details. Because it was more important to me than to them. Most experiences we share are more important to one participant than the other. The
"differential experience" effect.

There are a couple of  other grudges on my list. One man killed himself before I could resolve my grudge with him. As I think of them, I do believe I will try to let them fall away, as others have let theirs against me fall away. Heck, I've mostly forgiven Dave Jack and James M. Ragsdale for firing me, if not FP (the last man to have the honor, and the only one still living).