It’s been said you should be friends before you are lovers. I’ve gone both ways with my four lovers; while not always true, it was true when it counted. One such exchange preceded the start of my 46-year marriage.

Thinking about those affairs, I realized the epistolary exchanges enhanced the relationships. Two exchanages came before the affair; two were mid-affair. All of them allowed me to know the woman’s mind better. Which is important for a Sapiosexual.

I’ve been asked how Vicki and I managed to keep our love alive during our 16-month separation, a question I answered in my song Long Distance Love.

Among the love songs I have written (dedicated to my wife)

Amazing Eyes

Nothing That I Wouldn’t Do (If You’d Let Me Stay With You)

Nothing says your loving like something from your heart: a song or a poem. Any lack of writing skill is less important than passion. And women can do it for their men as well.

This is not me performing; I wrote love poems for my wife and paid a freelancer (The Welsh Wonder) to set them to music and sing them. There is a difference between creation of the words and performance of them. Creation makes them possible; performance makes them memorable.

I ran across this quotation: “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so:” Hamlet in Hamlet (Act 2, Scene 2).

Along the same line: “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional,” Buddha did not say. It’s an important idea.

I know this idea of pain/suffering changed my life. A half century of grudges, anger and hatred melted away when I reframed it. Changed nothing. Changed the way I looked at it. (You Can’t Change History But…)

– – -Stop reading here unless you are fascinated by details – – –

I couldn’t find a citation to Buddha ¹ but One Mind Dharma solved the mystery.

“[The quote] is often attributed to the Buddha incorrectly… Although this is a teaching that is certainly in-line with the Buddha’s teachings, the origins of this quotation are murky. According to Bodhipaksa of Fake Buddha Quotes, the earliest known attribution is in 1983 to Karen Casey.”

This is in line with my experience of quotations. ² Most of the universally adored quotations have been polished to a fine sheen by the game of Telephone. A word or two dropped or added by the wisdom of crowds maintains the essence of the wisdom or humor of the original, while boiling it down into a clearer and more concise expression.³ Best way to check most citations is Quote Investigator

Footnotes:

1. 1. No AIs were harmed in the search process ↩︎
2. 2. Regular readers will have heard this before. ↩︎
3. 3. Unlike this sentence ↩︎

All the millions of words I wrote in my quarter century as a journalist were as evanescent as Baby’s Breath, with the shelf life of fish. Still, it is disappointing to me that half of them have ceased to exist, never to return (thank you United Business Media and Scripps-Howard). The rest are merely expensive and difficult to find. But I am grateful for the wonderful experiences:

• * Meeting Helen Thomas at the White House. Shaking Ronald Reagan’s hand (OK, not so thrilling).
• * Spending 20 minutes in a group interview with candidate Jimmy Carter (more thrilling).
• * Having Bill Gates tell me three times in a half hour that I had just said the stupidest thing he’d ever heard.
• * Driving a prototype Boston Green Line Streetcar down the Riverside line at 3 a.m. at full throttle, then being reminded of the meaning of the “Dead Man’s Switch.”
• * Getting to interview almost all the important people involved in the birth of the Internet, during the first bubble in 1999.
• * Writing lyrics and producing songs (well OK, I’ve only been paid $6 in three years, but music has a long tail).

I literally thank God every day for these gifts:

• *Another beautiful day in paradise
• *Wisdom
• *The strength to do good work
• *The mental and physical health of my loved ones and the world
• *My parents and Vicki’s for creating us (and specifically to Vicki’s dad for his generosity) and to God and Guru that we were available and ready that night.
• *The lights of my life, my wife, my daughters and my grandchildren.
• *My parents, friends, mentors and teachers
• *All the women I have ever loved, since I all of them rolled into one.
• *All the men who came before me, for not breaking the women and for not keeping them.

My heart chakra opened on Saturday January 18, 2020. This is what I wrote in my journal that day: “Wow! I woke up this morning to another amazing moment. Treatment and prayer work! There was love in my heart, for those who I once felt ‘wronged’ me. We are all children of God, and share one soul; I forget at my peril that we’re not going to Heaven because we never left it, and that this physical life is an illusion.” Or, as Daily Calm’s Tamara Levitt says, “let go of stories that no longer benefit you.”

Not funny, but it should run near Christmas.

On Christmas day in 1999, I experienced a Christmas Miracle. A little clearer description of that miracle, which took place on the phone, outside a convenience store, on a cold and windy night in Carmel. Which led to my loving kindness journey. It could have happened on any day… well,.not on any previous day, but it happened on Christmas and it was a miracle. So, it was a Christmas Miracle.

I know of no one who doesn’t enjoy being thanked. If you’ve never written one of these, I suggest now is the time.

Mine went something like this:

“I found myself thinking of you. You streaked across my life like a comet, with a tail that sprinkled mitzvahs upon me. I want to thank you for a few of them:”

Be specific. List the ways the recipient blessed (or is still blessing) your life. Be as brief as you can.

Write it today.

Some good points to make (only if true)

Thanks for:

• Your friendship and good company.
• The time I was in need and you generously helped.
• The car you loaned me for a trip to Yosemite.
• The fun we had.
• That clever thing you did.

(ONCE AGAIN: ONLY IF TRUE) I suspect your effect on everyone in your life is similar; never doubt the world has been vastly improved by your presence.

Donald Trump’s relationships are purely transactional. Many people’s are, even my mentor Edwin Diamond. As I understand it, that means your relationships are strictly based on utility. If you’re no longer useful, you’re no longer a friend/lover.

I have fallen into that transactional pattern from time to time, in the sense that I fear I am on the receiving end: I worry a relationship is over if I’m no longer useful.

But it’s only in my mind, not that of my friend or partner. Maybe it’s a matter of low self-esteem, imposter syndrome, the idea that “no one will ever love me again.” But I don’t enter/stay in transactional relations, and I need to remember that.

My heart chakra opened on Saturday January 18, 2020. This is what I wrote in my journal that day: “Wow! I woke up this morning to another amazing moment. Treatment and prayer work! There was love in my heart, for those who I once felt "wronged" me. We are all children of God, and share one soul; I forget at my peril that we’re not going to Heaven because we never left it, and that this physical life is an illusion.”