By Reginald A. Stuart-Smythe

FCC Chairman Brendan “Blackmail” Carr¹ clinched the job of Executive Producer and Enforcer the day he ordered the show’s creation, but still needs someone to serve as Producer of the Donald Trump Hour, weeknights at 9 (8 central) on CBS/Skydance and ABC/Disney (coming soon to NBC/Universal). Dire consequences loom for affiliates failing to carry the show.

DTH should be cheap to produce²— less costly than all the news programs cancelled when it goes on the air.

The opening credits will be shown over a tasteful montage of memes³ showing The President as Jesus, King, Pope and crapping on people in blue cities. The theme tune will be I Am The Cruel Dictator. And of course, there’s the show’s logo:

The format is simple. Trump speaks for a half hour from the ballroom balcony to thousands of people trying to get close enough to lick his boots.

Then Stephen “Nosferatu” Miller moderates a rotating panel of lickspittles who spend 30 minutes lavishing praise on Glorious Leader. A J6 hero produces this segment.

In the pilot, the panel featured Kristi “Canine Killer” Noem, Pam “What Epstein Files” Biondi, Pete “It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere” Hegseth and “Little Marco” Rubio. It ended with a vigorous round of “I love him,” “I love him more,” the mandatory closer.⁴ Kash “Battering Ram” Patel plans to join the panel on opening night.

As ordered, the audience of selected male military officers ⁵ rose to their feet for a standing ovation. Different audiences have been assigned this duty a year in advance.

Reruns every other day save money and insure the message floods the field. The White House anticipates great ratings, the best-ever ratings. “Everyone says no show ever got ratings this good. Or else. Obama and Biden never got ratings like these.”

FOOTNOTES

1. 1. Proud user of a 1000-foot roll of First Amendment bathroom tissue ↩︎
2. 2. Even though guests are offered free First Amendment bathroom tissue in the green room ↩︎
3. 3. Only those The President has personally reposted ↩︎
4. 4. Much a like cabinet meeting ↩︎
5. 5. Required to attend; no fatties ↩︎