(this from a frequent contributor…)

by Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe

As the 2008/2009 school year is about to begin, I am reminded of the marvelous story of the boy who failed his entrance exam at Princeton University. Before heading home he stopped off to see President Robert Goheen and thanked him saying, “I’ve learned a lot here.”

President Goheen asked in amazement, “But you were never enrolled here. What could you possibly have learned from us?”

The young man replied, “How little I know.”

Goheen answered, “Son, we will take you in. You are already two years ahead of the freshman class.”

Shown below are some educational facts, trivia and humorous stories:

1. [Re: the importance of silence when doing homework]

“Honey, just listen for a moment: what you’re hearing now is called silence. There used to be a lot of it in the world until about 1973, when most of it went right out the ozone hole. But if you can find any of the little that’s left, it’s still the best accompaniment for work. Thomas Jefferson had it when he wrote the Declaration of Independence. If he’d been watching ‘Dance Party,’ he might have written, All men are created AWFUL.”

“Can I at least phone someone?”

“You think Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address while he was on hold?”

“Dad, those were the olden days, when you were a kid. Things are much better now: Lincoln could fax that address to Gettysburg.” Bill Cosby, “Childhood”

2. Barack Obama earned a law degree from Harvard, His wife, Michelle, also graduated from Harvard Law School.

In a 2005 commencement address at Knox College, Obama said “Every one of us is going to have to work more, read more, train more, think more. We will have to slough off some bad habits–like driving gas guzzlers that weaken our economy and feed our enemies abroad. Our children will have to turn off the TV set once in a while and put away the video games and start hitting the books.”

3. [joining the track team] “So I was glad that my son became interested in this character-building sport [the track team] until he announced that he needed new sneakers. This troubled me, because he already HAD new sneakers, which cost approximately as much as an assault helicopter but are more technologi- cally advanced. They are the heavily advertised sneakers that have little air pumps inside. This feature provides an important orthopedic benefit: It allows the manufacturer to jack the price way up. Also it turns the act of walking around into a highly complex process. ‘Wait!’ my son will say, as we’re rushing off to school, late as usual. ‘I have to pump more air into my sneakers!’ Because God forbid you should go to school underinflated.” Dave Barry, “Dave Barry Is Not Making This Up”

4. SAT News Meredith Kolodner, Daily News staff writer, said that New York City school students continued a downward slide on the SAT college entrance exam last year. They scored the lowest since 2003. A city education spokesman said the drop was due to an increased number of students taking the exam who previously hadn’t considered college as an option, especially low-income students at high-needs schools.

Andrew Jacob, Education Dept. spokesman, said, “It’s great that more of our students are opening the door to college by taking the SAT, almost 30% more than at the start of the administration.”

5. Humorous Biology Definitions The writer’s granddaughter, Amanda, will take a Biology course this year. The writer is convinced that she–and other high school students enrolled in the course–will enjoy these Biology definitions:

Blood pressure Persistent relatives
Metacarpal A big car pool
Homeostasis Stays at home
Microbodies Short people
Organelle A small musical instrument
Tachycardia A tacky sweater
Filter feeders Coffee drinkersFilter feeders Coffee drinkers

6. Assistance with homework (a story)

Little Irving sat down with his mama, as always, to do his homework.

“Mama..what’s an x-axis?”

“Darling what do I know from x’s? But it’s a good question.”

“Well, what about stem cell research?”

“The only stems I know are on fruit,” she answered.

“Well, why does lightening come before thunder?”

“I forgot, but I’ll look it up in World Book Encyclopedia.”

Then little Irving askd, “Do you mind me asking you all these difficult questions?”

“Mamala! If you don’t ask, how can you learn?”

7. Albert Einstein did not speak until he was four years old and didn’t read until he was seven. His teacher described him as “mentally slow, unsociable, and adrift forever in his foolish dreams.” He was expelled and was refused admittance to the Zurich Polytechnic School. Go figure!

8 A Simple Hello “I have always felt sympathy and compassion for the kids I see at school walking all alone, for the ones who sit in the back of the room while everyone snickers and makes fun of them But I never did anything about it. I guess I figured that someone else would. I did not take the time to really think about the depth of their pain. Then one day I thought, “What if I did take a moment out of my busy schedule to simply say hello to someone without a friend or stop and chat with someone eating by herself? And I did. It felt good to brighten up someone else’s life. How did I know I did? Because I remembered the day a simple kind hello changed my life forever.” “Chicken Soup for the Soul” by Canfield, Hansen & Unkovich

9. A college professor had his sociology class go into the Baltimore slums to get case histories of two hundred young boys. They were asked to write an evaluation of each boy’s future. In every case the students wrote, “He hasn’t got a chance.” Twenty-five years later another sociology professor came across the earlier study. He had his students follow up on the project to see what had happened to these boys. With the exception of twenty boys who had moved away or died, the students learned that 176 of the remaining 180 had achieved more than ordinary success as lawyers, doctors, and businessmen.

The professor was astounded and decided to pursue the matter further. Fortunately, all the men were in the area and he was able to ask each one, “How do you account for your success?” In each case the reply came with feeling, “There was a teacher.”

The teacher was still alive, so he sought her out and asked the old but still alert lady what magic formula she had used to pull these boys out of the slums into successful achievement.

The teacher’s eyes sparkled and her lips broke into a gentle smile. “It’s really very simple,” she said. “I loved those boys.” “Chicken Soup for the Soul”

11. [cost of buying books] Remember Bernstein’s Book Principles: 1. If you buy a hardcover edition of a book, the paperback edition will appear next week, at a much lower price. 2. If you buy a paperback edition of a book, the hardcover will be remaindered next week, at a much lower price. 3. If you buy a paperback edition, or a hardcover edition, or a remaindered copy of a book, the next week you will find that a copy in excellent condition will be available in a used-book shop–at a much lower price than any of the other three. “The Official Explanations” by Dickson

12. Proofread! Proofread! Proofread! The New York Times sometimes makes interesting and embarrassing errors, which are corrected ASAP.

On April 13, 1996, this correction appeared in the newspaper: “An article about a visit by Vice President Al Gore and Senator Joseph I. Lieberman to a Jewish community center in Florida misattributed a Yiddish greeting. It was Mr. Lieberman, not Mr. Gore, who said, “Shalom aleichem”; Mr. Gore said, “Mazel-tov.”

______

Marjorie Gottlieb Wolfe, a retired high school business teacher, wishes everyone a successful and happy year in school.