Jon Carroll was, prior to his 2015 retirement, simply the best personal newspaper columnist in America. Take that Anna Quindlen. Once a month, he indulged himself and enterained us with Cat Columns. I could scour the SFGATE archives and find more, but there are the ones I plugged in my column: Jon Carroll Cat Columns.

“Isn’t it obvious? More cats, fewer people. We walk lightly on the land; we carefully bury our waste; we require neither paper products nor petroleum derivatives. Why don’t you all blast off for the moon and leave Earth to us?

“So I hide their food bowls in the refrigerator. Childish, I know, but I had to show them who’s the boss. Who is the boss?”