During a discussion about cherries, of which I am quite fond, I said they were my “very favorite food. “No they’re not Abba. Either they are your favorite or they are not.” Probably not as hard a rule as unique, but it shows he can apply a concept in a case he was not specifically taught.

He was on a zoom call for a math class, and I sat next to him (out of sight) so I couldn understand his homework. One of the participants said something wildly wrong. He started to laugh, I hit the mute button.

“Don’t laugh at someone who does not understand the material as quickly as you do. It is mean and makes them feel bad. This is going to happen to you a lot, as you’ll likely be the smartest kid in most classes.[1] Don’t be that person.”

Moments later, I chuckled lightly. “Didn’t you just tell me not to do that Abba?” And so I introduced him to the concept of “do as I say, not as I do.”

While we were on the subject of television,[2] I have been teaching him some of the immutable rules of sitcom stupidity. “When a character says ‘I will never do that,’ the next thing you see is a cut to them doing it. And, if everyone is laughing for no reason, it is usually the end of the show.” I feel a sense of pride when he says “here it comes,” or “can I watch another show?”

Someday, when I pass on to him my joy in watching movies at a theater, [3] I will teach him teach him a few insider things I was taught by my close friend Richard Parker.[4]

* You can tell if the credits are over when you see the director’s name. It’s a rule of the Director’s Guild,[5] which got George Lucas in trouble when he failed to follow that rule. “A film by” is called a possessory credit.

* When an actor’s name is above the title of the movie, it means the star is a) big and b) it’s in their contract that their name comes before the title in all publicity, including posters and advertising. “She’s above the title,” an actor may say jealously.

* In writing credits, if you see an ampersand (written by Bonnie & Clyde), they worked as a team. If you see the word and (Butch and Sundance), they worked separately on the film. Richard’s sister (the screenwriter) sometimes sits on a guild panel to decide the writing credit (if not busy writing her own script). Directors often attempt to claim a writing credit; guild panels compare scripts and shooting scripts and decide if they deserve it.

Knowing these things has enhanced my viewing experience. I hope it does the same for my grandson.

Footnotes

[1] As I was until I got to MIT

[2] I felt this fit better here and not before

[3] I have watched more than 1,000 in my lifetime

[4] Who learned them from his sister the screenwriter. Welcome to footnote-a-rama.

[5] Or the first name in post-movie credits