P.S. A Column On Things

By PAUL E. SCHINDLER JR. I am from Portland, Oregon, Beaumont ’66, Benson High ’70, MIT ’74. Some things are impossible to know, but it is impossible to know these things.

Humor Template: Rubber Balls and Liquor

June 14, 2026

The height of grade school hilarity:

“Say rubber balls and liquor after every question.”

“What did you have for lunch?”

“Rubber balls and liquor.”

“What did you have for dinner”

“Rubber balls and liquor.”

“What did you do last night with [at Beaumont elementary: Marilyn Monroe. At less imaginative elementary schools, Your Girlfriend]?

“Rubber balls and liquor.”

Of course this joke is stupid and pointless, except among elementary school boys who have not taken sex ed, or who have no sisters.

A search using Artificial Stupidity could find no other examples of this type of joke, no matter how specific my prompt. It could, however, return 500 references to the Gilbert Gottfried book of the same name, even when I asked it not to. And so, my question is: are there other versions of this joke? Is it a humor template, or a dead end?

Posted at 9:15 pm Permalink 3 Comments

Comments

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I have no version of that joke, but I have this one, that I learned in high school, and used in the army. It generally works only in a group of four or more: Q; If you had a race between a rabbit and a dikfor, which would win? Someone always says, "Whut's a Dikfor?"

Posted by: STEPHEN C COQUETJune 14, 2026 at 10:09 PM
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Who's the best detective in Scotland Yard? Inspector Ass. Who has caught the most crooks every? Inspector Ass. What do you do when I hot girl passes you on the street? You know where this is going, I'm sure.

Posted by: Robert E MalchmanJune 16, 2026 at 12:27 AM
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Ugh, this is why I shouldn't write comments at 3am: typos. "Most crooks every" and "a hot girl."

Posted by: Robert E. MalchmanJune 16, 2026 at 07:27 AM

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Paul E. Schindler Jr.

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