Once again, Trumpsorship failed epically. James Talerico, the candidate CBS cravenly bounced off of Colbert while bending the knee, won the Democratic U.S. Senate primary in Texas.

Maybe it was all those extra eyeballs. Normally, Colbert draws 2.3 million viewers; his interview with Talerico, at 9 million views, was just short of quadruple the normal number of viewers. Jimmy Kimmel, fired at Trump’s behest, had 6 million viewers on the night he returned, compared to his regular 1.4 million, again roughly quadruple. That will show them.

Given what happened, there is only one possible explanation. Followers are publicly certain he is playing five-dimensional chess¹, when he is not doing the widely respected weave; just ask the late, great Hannibal Lecter.

It does not take Sherlock Holmes to connect the dots. Trump wanted to increase the viewership of Colbert and Kimmel, and give Talerico a subtle  endorsement.

He was no doubt aided by Bari Weiss, editor-in-chief of CBS News, a Trump lickspittle who personally teaches the mandatory in-service course “Pre-Obeying His Royal Highness.”

Every CBS employee (even the janitors) must attend the course on pain of dismissal. The first slide is “Anticipate the master’s every desire and fulfill it before he asks, without any need for him or his FCC lapdog to specifically request it. When they don’t say jump, guess how high.” In honor of the President, the class lasts 1 hour and 47 minutes (longer if there is applause from the right side of the room).

Footnotes

1. 1. Beyond the comprehension of us mere littlebrains ↩︎